Breakthrough

It's been a minute since I wrote. Life has been full!!! Full of chaos, emotion, blessings and feeling down. The past several months have been hard. Brian's been super busy with work and I've been working extra and staying late. Isaiah has been changing so much everyday! He will be 2 before I know it. One thing remains he's a sucky sleeper. For the past couple months we have been battling separation anxiety and middle of the night wakings. I was so spread thin, dog tired and mad at the world. 

I was in such a state of "poor pitiful me" that I was missing life. Missing the beauty in the situations, not seeing the bigger picture. 

Last week I finally got it. It was like a switch flipped. I have no one to blame for my unhappiness. Not Brian, Isaiah, my family, friends or God. I have to choose my attitude each and everyday. I have to wake up and decide who I want to be that day. The grouchy hateful mom/wife no one wants to be around or someone who tries her best to stay positive even when things don't go the way I think they should. I have to be less selfish. 

I don't want to miss out on the sweetness of Isaiah being a child because I'm wrapped up in my misery. So what if he doesn't nap it's not the end of the world, right? So what he wants to be with his momma at 4 in the morning. I'm sure very soon there will be a day I will miss those little elbows and toes in my back. Plus I love seeing his smile when I wake up in the morning. 

I know this change of attitude is not going to happen overnight but I made a decision to change. Change my mindset, attitude, how I respond to situations and how I treat others who are helping me through this journey. Gods mercies are new every morning and that's what I keep focusing on. Today might not be great but tomorrow is a new day. 

So to kick start this change I wanted to change many things starting with my hair. 

I had been contemplating cutting my hair, I mean it's not like I'm doing anything with it. Usually don't even brush it! Don't judge. So I set up an appointment and chopped that mess off!! I donated it to locks of love cause someone else should benefit from it. After cutting it I felt so free and light. A "weight" had literally been lifted. I was glowing for once in a very long time. 

I know the hair is just an outer change but appearance affects your attitude! 

So here's to a more positive, loving, kind and compassionate Charity. I'm a work in progress!!